Thought of the Day

A random thought popped into my head that I want to share with you. I’ve been using the men’s restroom for quite a long time (It’s been 10 years since the gender reassignment operation) and I’m noticing some disturbing things. A large percentage of guys don’t wash their hands. They go to the urinal, unzip, and pull out their little buddy. After finishing up they quickly head for the door hoping no one notices. We do.

Big deal, everyone knows that, you might be saying to yourself. If you think about it, it’s a pretty big deal. A big disgusting deal. Let’s go through an example of why it’s a big deal.

Bob goes to the bathroom to relieve his bladder. He pulls out his little friend and does his business. Once finished he shakes his buddy…one too many times, pretty much masturbating. Then he darts out of the restroom without visiting the sink.

A few minutes later you run into Bob in the hallway. During the normal greetings with Bob, you shake hands. Maybe you even do the handshake followed by the shoulder bump and hand on the back. word. While conversing you happen to wipe your face with the hand Bob shook. Hmmm you like that? Yeah you do.

After this short conversation you go back to your desk to eat that bag of popcorn you just popped. Man…your fingers sure got greasy. Why not lick that butter off your fingers? Yeah like that. Quick question for you…How did Bob taste?

Nasty, right?

Now imagine this same encounter with Bob happening with 10 of your co-workers. You all have something in common…you’ve had Bob’s penis all over you.

Once again, imagine this same encounter with Bob, but instead of him doing a #1 he went #2. Yeah…you’ve pretty much just tossed his salad.

I want you to think about that the next time you go to shake someone’s hand. Most likely they didn’t wash their hands.

If you’re like me, you keep a mental list of the people that don’t wash their hands. Even the ones that “wash” their hands for 4 seconds. Not good enough. I keep the mental list so I make sure I don’t shake that person’s hand. I’m not about to have some guy’s junk all over me without getting dinner first. So yes, it’s a pretty big deal.

I’m On a Boat by Lonely Island

Lonely Island’s ‘Jizz in My Pants’ video was probably the funniest thing to come out of 2008. Definitely the best thing to come out of SNL. Yes, even better than Will Ferrell (he’s just dropping the ball). The trio are answering my prayers and releasing a CD on February 10th titled ‘Incredibad’. It will include several SNL Digital Short classics (Dick in a Box, Jizz in My Pants, Lazy Sunday, and more) as well as some new songs.  Thanks to Mike, my BIL, I came across this song  ‘I’m On a Boat’ featuring T-Pain. Normally I try to avoid anything that involves T-Pain, as well as all those other autotuning fools. But I couldn’t turn away from this.

“Believe me when I say/ I fucked a mermaid”

Lyrical genius!

I can’t wait till this album comes out. I will definitely be jumping over to Amazon or iTunes to buy it. Here is the entire tracklisting for the CD.

1. “Who Said We’re Wack”
2. “Santana DVX” (featuring E-40)
3. “Jizz in My Pants”
4. “I’m on a Boat” (featuring T-Pain)
5. “Sax Man” (featuring Jack Black)
6. “Lazy Sunday” (featuring Chris Parnell)
7. “Normal Guy” (interlude)
8. “Boombox” (featuring Julian Casablancas)
9. “Shrooms” (interlude)
10. “Like a Boss”
11. “We Like Sportz”
12. “Dream Girl” (featuring Norah Jones)
13. “Ras Trent”
14. “Dick in a Box” (featuring Justin Timberlake)
15. “The Old Saloon” (interlude)
16. “Punch You in the Jeans”
17. “Space Olympics”
18. “Natalie Raps” (featuring Natalie Portman)
19. “Incredibad”

There is some sad news to report. The ‘Iran So Far’ song Andy Samberg did with Adam Levine won’t be making the cut for ‘Incredibad’ because the couldn’t secure rights to the Aphex Twins sample used in the song. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Well here you go, yo!

Brighter by The Boxing Lesson

Last Summer I got the chance to look over my friend Victor’s shoulder while he filmed his first music video. The video was for a local Austin band, The Boxing Lesson. He was doing the entire video in stop motion. Being the huge fan of stop motion that I am, I couldn’t pass up the invite to watch and help out if needed. It was an awesome experience to see this bad ass at work.

He showed me a 17 second teaser clip in August and I was blown away. I couldn’t wait to see the whole thing. Well the video has been done for a few months now and I find myself watching it quite often. Check out the video for The Boxing Lesson’s Brighter.

Check out Victor’s Rockpark website for some of his other work. Good stuff.

http://www.rockpark.com

In Flames Win Swedish Grammy

In Flames won a Grammy for the best hard rock act at the Swedish Grammy Awards! Congrats to those guy. Maybe one day we will see them playing the Grammy Awards in the States…one day…one day.

If you’re not familiar with In Flames you should check them out…if you like metal. Here is the video of them playing at the Award show. They are performing Alias from their latest album. The guy that is playing acoustic with them is another musician, Timo Raisanen.

Sir Robbie Rob’s Economic Stimulus Plan

You can’t go to any big news site without reading something about the big 3 automakers seeking a 25 billion dollar bailout from Congress. All 3 of them are in danger of running out of money which means 750,000 Americans would be out of a job.  I’m not sure if that includes the jobs that depend on the automakers for business but that number has the potential to be a lot higher.

Even so, Congress should not bailout the US automakers for their stupid ass business decisions. You don’t see the Japanese automakers begging for money. Yeah, they’re not making the profits they would like to be, but they’re making some profit. Even a retarded yeti could have told you banking on big ass trucks in today’s world is plain stupid. You would think with all that money you have invested in your SUVs and Pickups, you would have the best out there. But that’s not even the case.  Toyota Tacoma and Tundra’s are far superior in quality. But that’s all history, we can’t change the fact you thought selling turds with your emblem would be enough to get you by. We need to look to the future. We need someone to come in and steer us in the right direction.

I think I know the right person for the job.

Me!

I have a plan that I think will work. It’s pretty simple.

Bail my ass out!

Give me the money to pay off my debts. That way I can start over, and I don’t mean start over by cleaning the slate and learning from past mistakes. I mean pay off my debt and I will go full out, racking it right back up, injecting that money right back into the economy. I will even do better than that…I will double the amount of debt I get into. Maybe I will even use some of the money to buy a crappy American car (See this plan will even help the automakers). In order for this plan to work, every American must be bailed out. I’m fairly certain this would help get us out of a recession.

Unfortunately, it will probably come right back around because I (we) would not be able to pay off the new debt. But that is easy enough to fix. Just bail me (us) out again! I (we) will turn around and triple the amount of debt I (we…you get the point) got into originally.

You may be saying to yourself “This is, by far, the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard”

I respond to this with a question; How is this any different than bailing out the automakers? What are they going to change if they get the money? Ohhh the CEOs are going to work for $1 a year. Nice plan dipshit. They will work for $1, but they will continue producing SUVs and Trucks that no one is going to buy. They need time to shift their focus from Trucks, SUVs, and retro Muscle Cars (I’m a sucker, that new Dodge Challenger looks sexy, don’t forget the Chevy Camaro coming out) to making some economy class cars that consumers want to drive. That isn’t going to happen anytime soon, so they will be back sometime next year asking for more money.

So Congress, hurry up and bail ME out. I have my eye on a Ferrari I can’t afford.