Sir Robbie Rob » Max Payne

Max Payne

I make it a point not to post reviews on here. I don’t share the same opinions that many people have so I’m left explaining why I thought something sucked. It got to the point of people always saying”Rob, What did you think…oh I bet you thought it sucked”. I’m so sorry I think Resident Evil and the Britney Spears’ Crossroads were a complete waste of time. Now if I’m asked I just shrug and make a half smile. It got old defending why I don’t love the shitty movies in the world. But the time has come for me to break my silence. There is a movie so bad that I don’t think anyone should ever see and it’s my duty to let you know…Max Payne completely sucks balls.

I got to see it last Friday…and I wish I could get that time back. But let me back up a bit. I saw M. Night Shamalyan’s (or something. too lazy to look up spelling) The Happening not too long ago and it had the worst performances I’ve ever seen outside of a porn film. Well, that was until now. Mark Wahlberg’s performance in both films is laughable. There were a few times in Max Payne I thought I was watching one of the scenes from Boogie Nights where they were recreating filming a scene for a porn. I can imagine Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Chris O’Donnell, and Beau Bridges are probably cringing when watch this film. Now I went into this movie knowing that it was based on a video game and probably wasn’t going to be Oscar worthy but I was hopeful for some good action scenes. After all, the game the movie is based on has some of the best gun fights in any media next to John Woo movies. Sadly, John Moore failed to bring even an ounce of that action to the screen, falling flat on its face. You could probably find better gun fights on your local news. From start to finish the movie is just a mess. We already have one director, Uwe Boll, destroying video games transitions to film we don’t need another.

If you go to see the movie and want to waste more time, wait for the end of the credits for a scene that setups a sequel…*cry* please god…why?!?!

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4 Responses to “Max Payne”

Metallman on October 31st, 2008

Hey there Rob. Man, don’t tell me that. I thought Max Payne would be similar to the game where guns are blazing and death galore. I was actually planning on seeing this but looks like I’ll wait for Netflix to ship it to me in like a year.

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Ane Fallarme on October 31st, 2008

I so totally agree with you, the movie didn’t give the game any justice at all and it sucked real bad! and yes, crossroads sucked like glitter and it’s no wonder why it flopped, but i kinda liked resident evil, the game, not the movie, because i think the movie sucked as well… i don’t think anybody should make a movie after any game unless they’re really going to live up to it, it’s just so disappointing..

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SirRobbieRob on October 31st, 2008

@Metallman: I wish it was similar to the game. But I didn’t think it was. If you do go see, please let me know what you tihnk.

@Ane Fallarme: The resident evil games are pretty good. I didn’t like the movies very much, even though Extinction wasn’t that bad.

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dawn on October 31st, 2008

Thanks for the heads up on the flick …
I used to be a fan of Mark Wahlberg -
But geez Louise …
After that M. Night Shamalama Ding Dong of a movie “The Happening”
I just don’t know?
I guess I’ll save my movie theater dough …
And spring for a DVD rental of it.

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